We are now a day away from our Fontan and my nerves are getting greater and greater.
After Colston’s heart cath on Thursday, he has just been a big ball of anxiety. He is whiney, doesn’t want to eat foods he normally does, and is happiest when being held. (Understandably so.)
He is just not our normal, happy and mellow kiddo.
It’s heartbreaking as a parent to watch your two year old be so scared. Especially when you haven’t even done the hard part yet.
The upcoming Fontan brings so many unknowns.
Up until this point, we have always had something to look forward to. When he was born we just had to make it to the Hybrid. Then we just had to make it to the Glenn at six months. Then we just had to make it to the Fontan and now here we are.
After tomorrow, there’s nothing to “look forward to”.
Psalm 23 really speaks to me during this time, especially verses 3 and 4.
“He restores my soul,
He leads me in the paths
For His name’s sake.
Yea though I walk through the
Valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil.
For you are with me.
Your rod and your staff,
They comfort me.”
Let me break this down.
Every time I pray, or get into the Word, he RESTORES my soul.
The enemy will try to taint my mind and soul with distrust of the Lord but He will ALWAYS quench my thirst and lead me the right way.
Our path to RIGHTEOUSNESS as heart parents, even just as parents in general, is not straight and narrow. It’s up, down, and washed out. There’s mountains to climb and raging waters to wade through, but it all leads to Him and our eternal life.
ALL FOR HIS NAME’S SAKE.
Everything we do, every where we go, is to glorify Him.
We will have long walks THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death.
We don’t get caught up by what’s in the middle of that valley, because we will always get through it, because He is WITH US.
I can’t tell you I’m not scared about what’s going to happen tomorrow and our days after. But I can tell you the Lord will be with us every step of the way.
Just like He is with you every step of your journey.
Philippians 1:6 says, “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will COMPLETE it until the day of Jesus Christ” (emphasis my own.)
Meaning, all this fear I still have, God is using to complete His work in me.
God is still using me, Colston, and our journey.
He isn’t finished yet.
I can’t wait to see what He does with it.